Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
