dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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