READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
