You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's get the cat blown out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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