don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
