Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
