The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
