Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
