this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
