my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So squirting runs in the family.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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