I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
