Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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