i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
