I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
