Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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