I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
