yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
