Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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