if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
