I just saw a hot homeless man
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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