My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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