NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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