Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
