Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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