I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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