you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
