Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
