it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
