No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
