May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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