He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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