He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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