Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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