Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
