why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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