9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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