she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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