yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
