Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
