She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
