i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
