He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Alive.
So much puke
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
