explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
