"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
