Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
