drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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