I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
