got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
