A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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