Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
